A Week on the Wagon: When Dads attack!

DadWagon readers: Let me wax poetic for a moment and share one of my favorites by James Dickey, “The Heaven of Animals,” as I think these few lines aptly describe the tenor of our parenting blog this week:

To match them, the landscape flowers,
Outdoing, desperately
Outdoing what is required:
The richest wood,
The deepest field.

For some of these,
It could not be the place
It is, without blood.
These hunt, as they have done,
But with claws and teeth grown perfect,

More deadly than they can believe.

Loyal readers, the authors of this blog (and we’re all friends, mind you) spent the good part of this past week sniping, gnawing, butting, and pawing like crazed beasts of the ether.

Let’s start with my favorite subject: me. Over five short days, I accused Nathan of having a fetish for male lactation; I called Christopher a childcare hypocrite; and as for Matt, oh poor, sweet Matt, (did you know his mother calls him the Frooginator? Not making this up), well I won’t repeat my various slanders, as they are both too grotesque and too amusing (to me at least). For those interested enough to read these posts, you will note the incidents of collateral damage here as well. To both my girlfriend and Michael Jackson–my apologies.

But, I must protest, I was not alone in my vitriol. Was there something in the water? Has the volcano eruption in Iceland driven us all mad? How else to explain Christopher–polite, restrained, properly punctuated–Christopher’s descent into the depths of collegial criticism? And while I may have deserved it (I’m such a stinker), I too was not spared the wrath of Christopher, complete with exclamation points!

Nathan, to be sure, contributed mightily to the tension and discord, pissing on Matt (as he noted on Facebook), and, in a frightening turn that clearly requires marijuana therapeutic action, his father. I recommend a perusal of Philip Larkin’s “This Be The Verse” to help excise the venom.

Matt somehow remained neutral, a veritable blogospheric Switzerland, obsessed with French and Japanese baby clothes, and concerned that the good manners of his fellow New Yorkers have gone under-acknowledged. Perhaps once he helps his daughter locate her mother, he’ll actually read the posts and be equally irate.

Yes, it was a fine week here at the Wagon, despite–or perhaps due–to the discord. I’d like to assure our readers that next week we will behave much more charitably towards each other… but that would be a lie.

Have a nice weekend.