From time to time, I wonder if JP would have been better off I’d never split up with his mother. It’s usually a micro-spasm of guilt at knowing he has to adjust to separation from one parent or the other all the time. Then I remember what it was liking living with his mother, and I realize I actually did him a favor. For a taste of what my married life was like, please enjoy the lovely video below. And JP, know I did it all for you.
Why I got divorced
Published by Theodore
Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews. View more posts
I think the same thing about my divorce and my three boys, but then come to the same conclusion. I also see it at a catalyst that made me a better, more attentive father.
I’m taking a break from my usual nonstop commenting on Nathan’s posts to weigh in on this one. First, thanks for the Abramovic in the morning. Better than coffee. Second, your child, and all children of divorces handled with aplomb and as little acrimony on dropoff days as possible, will be fine, better than fine, he will come to thank you for giving him the independence of a young child in a shared custody arrangement. He will not remember what having two parents in the same house ever felt like. He may even one day come to love additional, special parents, called step-parents, and all the extended family and support that comes with them. Normal will be one parent one week, another the other, maybe even one parent Sept-May and another June-August, and really it will be fine.
Carly–glad to know that conceptual art was enough to get you off the Nathan train. That’s the kinda reader we like around here. Appreciate the comments, too. –Theodore.