Who Is This Child?

The baby has been acting strange lately. Very strange. On Tuesday, after I brought her home from daycare and fed her a couple of apple slices, she stood up and held out her hand to me. I took it, and she led me into the bathroom, walked to the tub and said, “Xi-xi!” Bath time.

Yesterday, it was almost the same. After daycare, eating apple slices. Then I said, quietly, without repeating myself, and without that cheerful, babyish uptalk we all use with babies, “Let’s go take a bath.” She stood up right away, took my hand, and dragged me to the tub.

What gives? What normal child willingly, even eagerly, wants to take a bath? What kid follows a simple instruction right away, with no fuss?

Clearly, there is only one conclusion to make from these events: The pod people have landed, and have taken over my daughter. Before long, they will spread through Brooklyn’s greater stroller zone, producing legions of obedient, well-scrubbed children, and leaving in their wake a great number of confused parents. Consider yourself warned.

Published by Matt

Matt Gross writes about travel and food for the New York Times, Saveur, Gourmet, and Afar, where he is a Contributing Writer. When he’s not on the road, he’s with his wife, Jean, and daughter, Sasha, in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn.

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4 Comments

  1. Girls are smart. My boys are 6 and 10 and are morons compared to our 2 year old girl. If you even mention going outside she runs away, finds her shoes AND puts them on before the boys even heard what I said.

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