Useless—Except for Cleaning Feces

bad-design-is-like-a-dirty-diaper

As I think I proved with some degree of mathematical precision in my installment of this week’s Tantrum, men are still relevant. Except apparently when it comes to marketing for diapers, according to the Times:

Fathers are changing more diapers than ever, but you would never guess that while walking down the diaper aisle, where packages feature mothers but never fathers. … As Pampers pays more attention to fathers, it is in stark contrast to what the brand has done in the past — and much of what it is doing now. A “Dry Max Fact Sheet” handed out to the media at the recent Manhattan event, for instance, was heavily skewed toward mothers. “For Mom:” one passage comparing the product with its rival, Huggies, begins. “They are 20 percent thinner than Huggies Little Snugglers/Movers so mom can carry or store more of them within less space. She can also be confident that she is getting a hard-working diaper for the same great price.”

I can’t speak for my fellow DadWagoners, but I certainly changed my fair share of diapers when JP still wore them. Not that his mother would necessarily agree:

In a recent survey of parents by Pampers, 69 percent of men responded that they changed diapers as often their wives, while 11 percent said they did so even more often. Although men’s perceptions differ from women’s (only 31 percent of mothers said fathers split diaper duties equally, and just 4 percent said fathers did more).

Now, does this mean I want to have diapers marketed to me, in a manly sort of way? Well, yes, I might not mind. I’m thinking of a box of Pampers with dear old Dad—me, or someone who looks like me but more handsome—seated comfortably on the porcelain throne, sipping scotch or maybe a Mai Tai, reading the Wall Street Journal with superior confidence, while Junior, about nine months old, already accepted into Harvard, changes his own damn diaper.

Now that’s a medium whose message I could get behind (pun intended).

Published by Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

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