I Own All of These Things

Because there are an infinite number of Websites, there is, of course, the “Top 5 Worst Baby Shower Gifts.”

My favorite: the peepee teepee.

The one I wished I was shocked existed: baby high heels.

The one I actually owned (blame the ex): the baby-wipe warmer.

Anyone out there have stuff that should have made the list, I’m all ears.

Published by Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

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