Big Brother is coming for your little baby

400px-Riot_PoliceAttention unwed parents: The state of Washington plans to round you up, sterilize you, and steal your babies (with dingoes!).

Don’t believe me? Check this out: the federal government is paying them to abduct your child! Run!

Yes, they call the program something innocuous, like “Focus on the Child: Family-Centered Services for Unwed Parents in Washington State.”

Don’t believe it! It’s euthanasia. Flee while you still can!

First they get you to focus on the needs of your child, set up a plan for their life in separate households, perhaps get you to commit to, oh, I don’t know, not burning the child with a poker and consigning them to a life of Manson-like incarceration and then serial murdering, and then next thing you know–bam! It’s kidnapping, you’re shipped off to Guantanamo, and your child is enrolled in a super-secret military training program designed to create a master race of genetically engineered warriors.

Oh wait, that’s Ender’s Game. This is just some misguided attempt by the government to force white trash unfit parents to pretend they’re fit.

Published by Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

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