Granite changing tables: a bad idea

The architect who thought this up does not have children

What it feels like to change your baby on a slab of granite

Note to Aventura Mall: I know you want to be upscale. This is Florida, after all, and everybody wants to be upscale. And I commend you for putting changing tables in the men’s room (complete with a sign saying “changing table” or somesuch). It even has a sink right next to it, which is a nice touch.

But granite?

Have you ever even seen a child before? They are  soft and warm and fleshy and kvetchy. Laying them down on one of earth’s coldest and hardest stones to change their diaper is just a bad idea.

And really, ever since Abraham laid his son Isaac on a stone altar to sacrifice him up to God, has any father felt really great about laying his bairn on naked stone?

Congratulations, Aventura Mall. Your changing table is the worst fancy idea since the $3749 Cinderella Carriage Crib.

Published by Nathan

Nathan Thornburgh is a contributing writer and former senior editor at TIME Magazine who has also written for the New York Times, newyorker.com and, of course, the Phnom Penh Post. He suspects that he is messing up his kids, but just isn’t sure exactly how.

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2 Comments

  1. Well, it certainly is easier to clean than the usual plastic mats.
    Plus, I’d never put Junior on any public surface, we have our own mat in our diaper-bag.

    Once changed him on granite. Our mat first, a (fresh) diaper used as cushion… No temperature issues.

    And I so don’t see the sacrifice-connection. Relax!

  2. Yes, I could see that it would be a lot less porous than the plastic drop-down tables. And I’m glad to see you used a fresh diaper instead of a used one as a cushion. But I stand by my Abraham-Isaac flashbacks: Abraham is, unfortunately enough, my middle name, so there’s something elemental there.
    I like your blog, by the way (papawillspielen for you German-speakers). Do you publish from the States or Germany?

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