Vaginas: The Mystery!

Sherlock_Holmes_museumThis post from over at Dadcentric.com both cracked me up and made me jealous. Why?

Title: “I can see your uterus.”
Reason for jealousy: That is a better Hed than “Vaginas: The Mystery!” (although I love headlines with exclamation points! In fact, I just love exclamation points in general! Really! No kidding!).

Premise: No idea, but with lines like:

Men have a very special relationship with their penis.  They name them, have conversations with them, and, to quote Seinfeld, treat them like an amusement park.  They’re your partner, your buddy, and in many cases your drunk roommate whom you inexplicably follow out on the town.

who cares what he’s writing about. That’s just the sort of silly that I need to avoid working.

Jealousy: The fact that the author of this post resisted the urge to write this: “I’m treating my penis as an amusement park as I write this,” which is what I would have done. Discipline!

Jargon: referring, without discomfort, to the notion that his daughter likes to sleep naked as “going commando.”

Jealousy: None really. That’s just kinda weird.

Description:

Despite my protests, the kid insists on going commando at bed time.  She also has a number of nightgowns she likes to wear, which means that for an hour or so every morning and evening there’s a high probability that we’ll have front row seats at the Vagina Monologues.  As told by Carrot Top.  Naked.

And let me be clear: this isn’t about Basic Instinct leg-uncrossings.  She stands on her head.  She sticks her ass in the air.  She touches her knees to her ears.  She’s like a Cirque de Soleil performer at a proctologist appointment.

Jealousy: Not exactly high-style, but funny as hell.

Conclusion: “Kids can teach you a lot.”

Jealousy: I thought I had the market cornered on wacky.

Published by Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

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