I must say, I was extraordinarily pleased by the comments we received about yesterday’s post, “Matt is raising a LUSH!”. I learned so many new things.
For example:
Matt–you are a CUNT. Thank you, Felix, for pointing that out. I had no idea. He did father a child, after all.
Matt: NO ONE LIKE’S SASHA. FUCK YOU. GO HOME. Speak truth to power, Your Baby Is Ugly And You Are Selfish.
Matt–you are a HIPSTER BAG TOOLDOM.
Matt–David doesn’t want you to just bite a bullet. He needs you to SWALLOW THE WHOLE ARSENAL.
Matt–take Sasha to a strip joint. It’s BETTER THAN A BAR.
Matt-that picture sure makes you look bad. In fact, according to Andy, you COULDN’T LOOK STUPIDER. That’s a relief, eh? Only uphill from here!
Matt–YOUR GLASSES ARE GOOFY.
Matt–ONLY SHITTY PARENTS BRING THEIR LITTLE SHITS TO A BAR! Didn’t you know that? Eric B. sure does.
Matt–CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER. Apparently, Batman oughta know.
Matt: how dare you take a PHOTO IN SAN FRANCISCO! The nerve of some people, right Vunder? Let’s blame THE MEDIA.
Matt–why don’t you just TAKE A HEALTHY WALK or SIT IN A LOCALLY-OWNED COFFEE SHOP?
Matt–you spend TOO MUCH MONEY AT THE APPLE STORE. (note: kinda true)
Matt–YOU HAVE FAILED AL GORE.
Matt–you are a HIPSTER. This is serious. Really, be careful out there. No one likes hipsters. They want them to die.
Matt–ONLY IN NEW YORK…and NEVER IN IOWA.
Matt–STOP FUCKING QUEEFING AT THE BAR AND BLAMING SASHA. Gary thinks that rude.
Matt–SASHA IS CRYING and Enoch thinks that means she hates you and will need therapy as a teenager.
But wait, there’s more!. I learned new words, like crotchfruit and shitmachine and designer children (is that like Ecstasy with diapers?). That prompted me to do a little research. Did you know that the word children is another term for pubic hair? I certainly didn’t. But now I do. And that’s great!
God, I love the Internet. It’s all about learning.
UPDATE: DadWagon loves its readers. One of them, Die-in-A-Fire, who coined a term I reference up above (“designer children”) left a comment asking why he didn’t get a “shout-out.” Well, Die, we aim to please here at DadWagon, and we certainly don’t want to use intellectual property without permission. So, in that spirit, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Die-In-A-Fire (no relation to Dances with Wolves). He thought up a funny phrase. Much appreciated!
Unless Matt is secretly Lady Gaga, I’m not sure how exactly he’s queefing anywhere.
Matt–you are LADY GAGA.
I’ve read a few threads in my brief time here and I’ve noticed a mini-pattern.
A. Present an issue
B. Receive feedback on that issue
C. Focus your responses on the most outlandish posts, present them as the norm
D. Sarcastically/Wittily shrug off all counter arguments because (see C) they are all outlandish
E. As a result, not seriously learn anything from the exchange
So no, Matt/Theo (not sure who is who), you don’t hold a candle to Lady Gaga. But based on A-E, you might be Sarah Palin.
I agree with Pat. The posts, responses, and summary are all pointless because nothing is learned. He didn’t even bother to defend himself or agree that his point of view is wrong. This blog is a waste of time.
FYI–a google search for the phrase “blogging is a waste of time” yields 1,570,000 hits.
That said, we love you guys. That’s why we don’t defend ourselves. Because it’s all about you. You already know our opinion on things–it’s in the original post. Now we want to hear what you say.
Wow, your responses to the commentator are blind stabs at irony. They are not clever, nor are they humorous whatsoever.
Look at your logic: you come to a bar because you need some “adult-time”? Fair enough. However, did it not occur to you that the other people there came for the same reason? Yet you selfishly piss in their hot tub by bringing your child.
Providing there’s no law against in the state/county/municipality in question, I suppose no one can stop you. Doing so however slaps common decency and respect for those around you in the face.
Sure there’s no law against farting in public either, but how would you like it if the next time you’re at the bar (with or without child), that I sat down right next to you and started popping them off, one after the other? You would be subjected to it and, assuming I didn’t want to go anywhere, would have to either deal with it or get up and leave. I could use your same defense. There’s no law against it, it’s my right, I’m just being a human being, don’t discriminate against my sensitive intestinal system, etc, etc.
Now wouldn’t it also make sense for the bar to ban me in that case, as I’m chasing off paying customers? I think you start to see the logic here, if you’re going to be honest with yourself.
Get real and get over yourself. Not only in this, but in all other areas of your life.
dear matty ga ga,
i’m your biggest fan, i’ll follow you until you love me.
surprised my personal favorite, “die in a fire,” didn’t get a shout-out.
–john cave osborne
PS i think sasha is beautiful. oh, and even though i could never pull ’em off, i actually quite like your glasses. they remind me of the pair my dad, now deceased, wore back in the day.
@mwrg I think what people are missing here is a little bit of social context. If you walk into a bar with a baby, and everyone is glaring at you and you’ve clearly shat on their parade, then yes, leave. But if it’s midafternoon, the place isn’t crowded, and you want to have a beer in your neighborhood, is that really such a terrible thing?
Matt is not suggesting being a dick about toting your baby along. And you would be a dick if you brought it along and expected other people to change their behavior. Like any social situation–with baby or without–it’s your job as the visitor to pick up on social cues and make the right decision, not just for yourself, but for the other people in the bar.
And actually, I don’t know what the law says. I know I wouldn’t bring my 4-year-old to a bar unless it was really a bar/restaurant. But I’d bring my 1-year-old, if I was up for the challenge of keeping him happy and quiet enough that he would piss other people off. That’s just common courtesy, and I don’t think any of us are arguing against it.
@mwrg Being dads makes us impervious to the smell of shit. One of the few perks.
@Nathan
So in the scenario you paint, you’re the only one at the bar? Or is it a sparse crowd? So if you’re only pissing off 4 people, then it’s OK? If so then, again, you’re more important than everyone else around you.
And also, do these people have to give you the stink eye, or say something first? What if they’d rather not even engage in a conversation with you, but rather just get up and leave? Aren’t the comments here illustrative that the majority of people aren’t cool with you bringing your kid to the bar?
The people sitting there could be regulars that decide they’ve had enough and aren’t coming back. If I were I bar owner, I’d value them higher than you, your kid, and your narcissism combined.
@stormsweeper
Exactly, but everyone else isn’t. Stop thinking about just yourself.
So it’s simply unpossible for people to not give a shit about a kid being there if the kid isn’t up in their grill?
@stormsweeper
Yes, and thank you for clearing it up.
Compared with YouTube, the CNN comment stream is like being showered with rose petals. So this is actually good practice if PopSmack takes off.
Took my 11 yr-old into a pub last night — needing to kill an hour before meeting up with the rest of the fam. I’m looking around for an inconspicuous spot in the back (reading my social cues carefully). I turn around to find my son front and center, bellied up to the bar chatting up the pneumatic female barkeep in the scoop-front tank top.
Did we make other patrons uneasy? I’m not sure. I was trying to model good behavior, so I was staring at the ceiling.
Since Matt is so thrilled with the general response to his little tantrum, I have to change my position. I’m all for letting parents bring their kids into bars. Hell, I want to encourage it. It’s all on the proviso that while the kid is left alone, the rest of the bar patrons have the opportunity and perogative to kick the kid’s parents asses up around their shoulder blades. A few nights of having to get up and stick their noses into the toilet to take a piss might make them think “You know, maybe we should leave Pwecious Snowflake at home this time.”
@Eric B.: I’d love to defend myself—if I had any idea what to defend myself against. There’s virtually no new arguments here, certainly none that I didn’t already address in <http://www.dadwagon.com/2010/01/18/the-tantrum-do-children-belong-in-bars/>.
But, just for the sake of pedantry, I’ll rehash:
1) From time to time—maybe once a month at most
2) I bring my daughter to a local bar
3) It’s a spacious bar, not sleazy, where the owners don’t mind kids
4) She’s well-behaved and doesn’t bother other patrons
5) If she did, we’d be out of there in a second
6) In any case, we’re out of there by 7, or usually 6:30
7) At most, I’ve had two drinks—and I’m not driving home
So what’s the fucking problem with that? Don’t tell me about other people’s bratty, screaming, shit-smeared children—I don’t care about them. Throw them in the gutter if they show up in your local. They deserve it. If they can’t keep their kids under control, then they should keep thier kids at home. But don’t get between me and my beer just cuz someone else fucked up.
Don’t tell me bars are for adults only—they aren’t.
Don’t tell me I’m a Schwinn-riding, gentrifying yuppie-hipster—I don’t even own a bike.
Don’t paste my face onto a punching bag unless you’re going to do a good job. My kid can Photoshop better than that.
And for those readers who complain about our ironic responses to people like DieHipster, here’s how it goes: Honest, insightful responses get ignored; irony’s all that’s left. Sometimes it’s a tool, sometimes it’s a reflex, and sometimes it’s all we’ve got.
Oh, and fuck you, Ted, Chris and Nate. I don’t want you guys to feel left out.
Hipster-hate is so 2009, besides.
Matt is a choad Herb.
@Matt 4:55:
No, you’re not a Schwinn-riding, yuppie hipster. You’re just a yuppie hipster that hasn’t yet bought said nerd-bike. You’ll eventually feel the need however to break down and get one. I’m giving it 3 months tops before you’re riding around town on a nice powder blue model.
I’m sorry, but I also sincerely find it shocking that you’re a “writer” for the New York Times. Not based on the fact that you’re a total and complete Douche Bag mind you. It’s just that your writing really, really sucks! Seriously, it’s pretty bad. And, if I understand correctly, you write a column? I feel sorry for your Editor. And not simply on the misspellings and poor grammatical usage either. Rather, in neither your blog submissions nor your comments do you make a decently persuasive point about anything (yet these are clearly intended to be opinion pieces). In fact it’s just your naked opinion with some attempts at what you clearly believe to be whit. In other words, you’re mailing it in, and providing some pretty empty calories in the writing department.
I fear it may be your generation, or corresponding douche bag status? Yes, yes I know: I just “don’t get” the new medium with which you’re so in-touch. Probably in the same way that most established musicians that actually play real musical instruments don’t understand the rap world’s insistence on sampling their original product (with said rapper creating virtually no original music of their own).
Sadly, @if it looks like a duck…., I am about to buy a bike, but only because my poor, bedraggled NYT editor wants me to write about bike-riding in and around this fine city of ours. Will it be a Schwinn? Cross your fingers, duckie!
Oh, and you’ve read what that I’ve written? Name something besides my “whitty” comments, please. And don’t hesitate to cite each and every misspelling and instance of poor grammar—I’ll make sure to fire Dadwagon’s copy editors. (Sorry, Nate.)
@Matt 9:26
Your attempt at defense turns out to be yet another example of exactly what I’m talking about: more poorly constructed thought, lacking any semblance of logic or reason.
I don’t need to see the edited product that may have appeared in the NY Times, or any other rag for that matter, to know how badly you suck. I’m seeing it here the same way in which your editor(s) must be forced to endure. This forum simply hipster unplugged.
Seeing those articles now would only illustrate said editors’ gifts, and wouldn’t necessarily say anything positive about your sad utilization of the English language.
That said, based upon just your Times work alone, you could be the Breslin of your generation (without the help of an editor to boot), and it wouldn’t make what we read on this blog any less awful.
You wrote it, now own it. Face it, you’re nothing more than a douche bag masquerading as some kind of edgy thinker. But, then again, isn’t that simply redundant for a hipster like yourself?
@duckie I’m stepping in because I am often Matt’s editor and you might not realize that Matt used to be a copy editor. He is a grammar fascist, and a capable one at that. So again, please send in examples of grammar gone wild here. I look forward to being fired as an editor so I can get involved in a full-time flamewar with Diehipster.com
Nor is Matt really like a rapper, as you say, but thanks for the analogy. He’s just a dude with a baby and a lot of wonderful new friends on the Internet.
@Flanza might be closer to the truth. Except I don’t really know what Choad Herb means. I think it means he’s a wuss. But I’d love to see you anonymouses out here tell us one thing they stand for and put their real name on it before I’ll accept that Matt, who has a thicker skin than most, is a wuss.
I was about to say. Bitching about “samples” in this day and age is a bit odd. Sorry for stepping on your lawn, grandpa.
Ha. You tell ’em, @stormsweeper. And crank up that Run DMC on your boombox.
Boy, little bit of love flowing through here. I laugh at the critics who come after writers/bloggers what have you. They don’t have read the posts/columns that they have taken issue with. But they do anyway and then they cry. How brave of them.
Sorry, Matt & Nate, I think the criticism is valid. Matt, have read your NYT column and am disappointed in your behavior w/respect to this issue. This blog actually seems a bit more mature and you guys do it a disservice here. Nate, simply getting on here with denials everytime Matt gets into trouble doesn’t cut it. For that matter, snarky, dismissive comments about your poster’s age don’t either. It kinda puts this blog on par with Perez Hilton. Seriosuly, based on the comments here, you both read as 13 year olds. Seems like Matt is getting defensive. I get that all the negativity can be overwhelming, but you guys are after all supposed to be professionals with excellent credentials. Why not live up to them.
Matt – You just made your defense. You stand by your view that kids in bars is OK. I also don’t care about those other peoples bratty, screaming kids. I get pissed when I see ANY kid in a bar. Quiet or not. In contrast to you, I’ve learning something here. The only way to put an end to this is to make it an issue next time I see it. Call out the parent…tell them they suck as a parent. Swear, break shit, generally be an asshole. Then hopefully they’ll go home.
You must be a swell guy at parties.
Stormsweeper – Absolutely! We should all go out.
Eric–can you let us know before you do that? We would LOVE to be there for that interaction.
I know this great place in Queens. Pay no attention to the changing table in the bathroom.
Theodore and stormsweeper – I thought the changing tables were a tray to hold my beer while pissing. Turns out that’s my mistake. I’ll let you know time and place. There has to be a clever headline for that.
Confession: I secretly hope that “Eric B.” is really Eric Bogosian. That would be totally boss.
People are hateful and should be ignored, which is admittedly hard when your child is in the crosshairs of self-righteous ire. The people directly attacking that sweet baby should be ashamed. She is a doll. Kids cry in pictures, sometimes, that doesn’t mean she’s damaged goods because, gasp, her dad has a beer in the early evening. Some of my fondest memories of childhood took place in a bar. My grandad used to put me behind the bar on a stool and let me serve barley water. At 7 I’d make 60-70 pounds in tips on nights when I was allowed to do that. I think people missed the point of the article. It is not about whether Matt himself is wrong or right and his clothes, glasses, electronics (I spend too much at the Apple store, too.), or lifestyle is inconsequential. It’s about conflict in a neighborhood because everyone feels their way is the only way and woe to those who try to change it. Be courteous and responsible in all aspects and you should be ok. Anyone who hates after that is simply a full time hater and cannot be pleased.