As some of you may know, this is the first night of the Hebraic observance of Passover, which is Aramaic for “Jews own the International Banks, suckas!”
Tradition dictates that my extended family gather together to sup upon the fatted lamb, quaff to the dregs, and all pretend that we don’t eat pork. Some discussion of the Mets and liberal politics will be appropriate over dessert, which is rarely very good (sponge cake and stewed plums).
Here’s the problem: my brother, who lives in the Midwest, and I, are such incredibly ignorant Jews (and we’re just plain dumb) that we couldn’t figure out which night was the first night of Passover. Alas, my brother and his two daughters won’t be making it into town until tomorrow.
Instead, however, of just forgoing the first night’s Seder (which I think has some Biblical significance, if I’m not mistaken), we just decided to postpone it. Tomorrow night we will pretend that it is the first night of the Passover and Wednesday will be pretend day number two. Elijah will have to figure the whole thing out on his own.
I’d say we’re all going to go to Hell, but ha! Jews don’t believe in it.