This Kid didn’t stay in the picture

I had, like everyone, a rather complicated childhood. After my parents divorced, my mother, for reasons only she can account for, decided to move my brother and I from New York City to a small town in the Bible Belt. I split the remainder of my childhood between there and the city. While this was …

Matt’s Brooklyn Neighbors

Yesterday, the Internet’s new favorite punching bag noted that he’s a proud resident of the Brooklyn turf abutting the Gowanus Canal. And congratulations to him! I’m sure little Sasha has a pretty good chance of growing up without sprouting feelers or tentacles. Easily 80 percent! Probably even higher. Probably. As it happens, in my other …

Crotchfruit and other terms of endearment

I must say, I was extraordinarily pleased by the comments we received about yesterday’s post, “Matt is raising a LUSH!”. I learned so many new things. For example: Matt–you are a CUNT. Thank you, Felix, for pointing that out. I had no idea. He did father a child, after all. Matt: NO ONE LIKE’S SASHA. …