Manna, Matzo--What's the difference?

As some of you may know, this is the first night of the Hebraic observance of Passover, which is Aramaic for “Jews own the International Banks, suckas!”

Tradition dictates that my extended family gather together to sup upon the fatted lamb, quaff to the dregs, and all pretend that we don’t eat pork. Some discussion of the Mets and liberal politics will be appropriate over dessert, which is rarely very good (sponge cake and stewed plums).

Here’s the problem: my brother, who lives in the Midwest, and I, are such incredibly ignorant Jews (and we’re just plain dumb) that we couldn’t figure out which night was the first night of Passover. Alas, my brother and his two daughters won’t be making it into town until tomorrow.

Instead, however, of just forgoing the first night’s Seder (which I think has some Biblical significance, if I’m not mistaken), we just decided to postpone it. Tomorrow night we will pretend that it is the first night of the Passover and Wednesday will be pretend day number two. Elijah will have to figure the whole thing out on his own.

I’d say we’re all going to go to Hell, but ha! Jews don’t believe in it.

Here’s the feed from last week’s TV appearance by Matt, our indefatigable defender of boozy babies.

There’s lots to dissect here. Personally, I happen to think they paired Matt off with someone who comes off as a bit of a horse’s ass. “But, but, but,” she says in a husky voice that has Marlboro Reds written all over it, “in this country, it really is not done”.

OK, so Dr. Robi Ludwig is just Dr. Phil in a floral print dress. At least she has a line of “inspirational jewelry” based on her work as a psychotherapist (huh?). And even though Matt clearly made her look like a punk in this debate, I do have one point of empathy with her: I too have been subjected to Matt’s withering little arsenal of eyebrow-raising and eye-rolling. We all have here at DadWagon. So I feel your pain, Dr. Robi. Go have a drink. It’ll help.

Stormsweeper on Peter Krause: "I kind of want to punch that guy in the face."

So, true story: I know these parents who have a teenage girl who racked about a $1,000 cell phone bill—all to one number! And when the curious parents dialed the number to see who it was, it was some “Yo yo, wassup!” type of loser. Who, once the parents hacked their daughter’s Facebook account, turned out to be her boyfriend, whom she’d kept secret for weeks. Can you believe?!?

Well, I don’t need you to believe, just to suspend your disbelief for an hour or so every Tuesday night, when a mildly idiotic dramedy called “Parenthood”—whose most recent episode contained the “cell phone & secret boyfriend” subplot—airs on NBC.

I’d been meaning to watch “Parenthood,” which is loosely based on the 1989 movie starring Steve Martin and Dianne Wiest, for some time now, but since it usually runs opposite “Lost,” and since I kept forgetting I could watch it on Hulu, I didn’t get to catch an episode until Saturday, when NBC was showing it to people who don’t get out on weekend nights—i.e., parents like me.

The premise is complicated: “Parenthood” follows the travails of the extended Braverman clan—paterfamilias Zeek (Craig T. Nelson), his wife, Camille (Bonnie Bedelia), and four or so adult children in their 30s (Peter Krause, Erika Christensen, Dax Shepard) who have their own kids crotchfruit as well. They all live together in the Braverman family compound, several million dollars’ worth of acreage in Berkeley, California. And, you know, they just try to survive.

Among many, many plot points: Adam (Krause), the eldest son, is beset by responsibility and trying to keep his temper under control, none of which is made easier by his son Max being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. There’s Sarah (Lauren Graham), who’s broke, divorced from a rock star with a drug habit, has two rebellious teenagers, and has just moved back in with her family. And there’s Julia (Christensen), a driven lawyer who worries that her daughter prefers her SAHD husband.

And actually, those aren’t even plot points—just the background material. Every week, tons of shit happens: Sarah hooks up with an old flame, her brother Crosby (Dax Shepard) finds out he’s the father of a 5-year-old boy, and Julia and her hubby attempt to have a date night.

Is it any good? Of course not, but not for the reasons you might be thinking. Yes, it’s annoyingly modern, with references to Facebook and bong hits and lots of people talking on cell phones all the time. And yes, the actors are all just awful, particularly Peter Krause, who seems not to have shed the beatific-idiot look he mastered on “Six Feet Under.”

What I really hate about “Parenthood” is just that so much happens on the show. As I’ve learned over the past few months of blogging about my life as a father, parenthood is often quite—well, not boring exactly, but not exciting either. You don’t have an entertaining crisis every week, let alone enough TV-worthy events to fill a Bay Area family compound. Mostly, you’re just trying to get through every day, and hoping that actually nothing unusual will happen at all, that the kid will take her bath and eat her dinner and go to sleep at the appointed hour without discovering a new way to turn all of your lives upside-down.

I know, I know: Who expects reality from TV? Not me, certainly, but there is one thing I do want—when you name your NBC family “Braverman,” aren’t they supposed to be fucking Jewish? Hello, NBC?

Three Ossetian teachers, with about the same gender breakdown you'll find in the U.S. today

I just came across this intriguing post over at Trix and her Kids, a mother’s defense of her boy in school. One bit grabbed me in particular:

I have issues with the all female staff at the school not taking the time to learn how to deal with the over-active boys, because they are too busy coddling the girls. Maybe that’s harsh. Perhaps they aren’t coddling the girls, maybe they are just more in tune to how they learn.

It’s a side of the issue I haven’t really thought about in, say, 30 years, since this time around, my older kid–the one who is in preschool–is a girl. And from our perspective now, it’s the boys who are the disruptors, the pushers and the pishers.

And who knows–Trix and her hubby are standout parent-bloggers, but I don’t know them or their kids. Maybe their boys are little terrors. Maybe not. But she’s got a great point about the teachers: they’re almost all women. That’s as true at my daughter’s boutique-y Upper West Side school as it was at the preschool I went to in Florida. The 2004 numbers released by the census showed that 79% of all elementary and middle school teachers were women. Early childhood education is likewise dominated by female teachers, and yet, as Trix pointed out, that’s the time that boys are least able to deal with their emotions, and possibly least suited for a classroom environment.

Now, I know that teachers are professionals. They can overcome their own gender in the same way that I, an apostate, can write about evangelicals from time to time. And I know there’s a bit of a vicious irony questioning women for being teachers, when historically that’s all they were allowed to do (and even today, with the way the U.S. pits career against family, teaching’s attractiveness to women is due in part to factors beyond their control). But with all the studies showing that boys get behind early in school and stay behind, it’s an important question to ask: Are boys just misunderstood? Is teacher gender part of the problem?