What Almost Made Me Cry Today: Bedrooms of the War Dead

Yes, it’s an easy tearjerker, and the most cynical among us would say that it was conceived that way. But in “The Shrine Down the Hall, this weekend’s Times Magazine feature on the bedrooms left behind by kids who went to war in Afghanistan and Iraq, had me from the first photo. What we see, in Ashley Gilbertson’s pictures, are bedrooms neatly maintained by parents whose children are never coming back. A lot of the kids are 19, 20, 21, and even though you know that means they’re young, it doesn’t hit you until you see the stuffed animals and bedsheets printed with NASCAR insignia. Some of them were in the sixth or seventh grade when this war started. My son’s first year has gone by in the blink of an eye; I’m sure a lot of these parents would say the same thing about their children’s lives, now cut short. Even if you believe (or once believed) that this war is necessary, it is a story that gives you permission to say “this has to end, and end soon.”

As an editor, I’d make only one criticism of the story. The photos are in black and white, which is stark but also makes them more arty and formal, sapping some of their humanity and poignancy. I craved the chance to see these rooms in color, to bring out the Americana: the faded colors of a cheap quilt that’s been laundered a hundred times, the tacky-in-a-good-way faux gold on those junior-varsity trophies. If anything could give these photos more power, it might have been that literal vividness.

See, TV Is Good for You!

Picture 17Last week, Sasha, now all of 15.5 months old, did something new: She signed. Now, she’d signed before—an occasional grasping hand for milk, fluttering both hands for “all done”—but this time she paired the sign, touching the tips of her fingers together on each hand, with a spoken word: “More.” And she did it again and again. It was pretty cool, much cooler, somehow, than her first actual spoken word, which was something like “Bye-bye.”

First off, this is, finally, indisputable proof that TV Is Good. Because about nine months ago, Sasha started watching the DVD of Baby Signing Time, a musical lesson in the basics of American Sign Language. It’s an entertaining 25 minutes, and she’s always gazed at it in rapt attention. Now, it seems to have taught her something (besides how to pick up the remote control, point it at the TV and say, “Baby!”).

But what’s really neat is that “more” isn’t just a word. Unlike, say, dog or milk, it’s an abstract concept, evidence that her mind is working on a human level. And it’s not her only spoken concept. She now regularly says “Bao-bao,” Mandarin for “Pick me up.” Yes, she can also say various nouns (among them the Chinese words for dog and milk), but that’s less impressive than her figuring out that if she’s finished chomping one grape, there exist somewhere “more” grapes. Her other abstract word is “Okay,” which signals assent and acceptance, concepts I’m still having trouble with. Soon, I imagine, Sasha will be counting. And then it’ll be time for a post-doc.

This whole process fascinates me because I’m almost always trying to improve my own language skills. I speak French, Italian, Spanish, Mandarin and Vietnamese, most of them extremely badly, though well enough to order a meal and direct a taxi. And I often have to pick up bits of new languages on the fly—in a week, for example, I’m going to have to stumble through German, Slovak, and Hungarian. There are phrase books to study, sure, but studying takes time, which I never have. If only I could pick up language the way Sasha does.

There is, of course, Rosetta Stone, the language-learning software that is big business nowadays. (It’s “used and trusted” by the State Department and the U.S. Army, they say.) Supposedly, the Rosetta Stone method involves learning a language the way a child would. Explains a video on Rosetta’s Website:

As a child, you learned language intuitively by experiencing the world around you. You saw something—let’s say a ball. Your parents told you that it’s a red ball. You repeated the words. Maybe they asked you to catch it, or throw it back to them. Without realizing it, you learned the object’s name, how to describe it, and what the actions are called.

This pitch sounds great, but after observing Sasha (who I have to take as an example of a normal child) I’m not so sure that’s how it works. I mean, surely she’s seen some kind of cause and effect related to the word “more,” but it’s absent all of those other associated nouns. She’s not saying “more grapes” or “more Baby Signing Time.” Just “more”—a concept divorced from its objects. It’s all very mysterious and fascinating to me, and I wish I could find a way to activate that process in my own brain.

Maybe reading this will help.

A Week on the Wagon: Displacement Edition

Did anyone occupy his normal seat aboard the Dadwagon this week? It appears not.

Matt, our househusband, spent the start of his week in Rome, alternating between scarfing down bucatini all’amatriciana and explaining his life to various bemused Italians. (Hey, man, maybe you’re not getting weepy over your kid–maybe it’s the wild swings in blood sugar? Just a thought.) He did follow it up with a happy homecoming, though. He’s also offered a persuasive creation myth for Dadwagon itself; true or not, it allows us to make fun of Southern California life, which is always fun.

Speaking of California, Nathan spent the week there, and it clearly made him dream, just a little, of Golden State life. Consider this reverie about the particulars of daily West Coast existence, and this one, about the charms of growing up far away from subways and street vendors. Nate, you going all gooey there?  Nah: His post about this discovery, from SXSW, made it clear that he’s still jaded enough to be one of us. (But not so jaded that he’d dress his kid up like a dictator without expecting repercussions.)

At least Theodore stayed true to type. Mocking dead little people, contemplating his son’s prospects in the smoking wreckage that is the publishing business, taking a poke at the Times‘s shapeless story about mommyblogging, making fun of the truly tragic. But even he had an uncharacteristically lighthearted moment, offering up this droll set of subway-passenger sketches made by an artist friend of his. We expect him to post about death-metal suicide or something on Monday, just to keep himself in check.

Me, I swapped my usual day-job deadline fever for three days at home coughing and sneezing. But having a horrible cold did give me time to contemplate the historical record: both the prospect of a Texan whitewashing of American history, and the faint possibility that my kid will actually figure in said history. That is, if I didn’t render him totally stupid in this little incident.

We’ll be back to our usual posts (both the positional kind and the blogger kind) on Monday.

Bad Dads We Love: Jump and Shoot

You gotta hand it to this Arizona dad. His daughter, 27, got dropped off at home at 1:30 a.m. by her ex-boyfriend. The ex then started choking the girl (always bad form when dropping off a date), and in the process woke up Dad.

Bad idea.

From his second-story window, Dad fired a warning shot. When that didn’t work, he jumped out of the window, landed on the hood of his car, and shot the (alleged) sonofabitch in the groin, sending his daughter’s beau to the hospital, and the dad, a 56-year-old coil of window-jumping, daughter-protecting aggression, into our top Bad Dads We Love spot this week.

I know we don’t feed you much country music here at DadWagon (what with us being mostly Jewish and totally New Yorkish), but this Rodney Atkins classic seems somehow fitting:

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Reply