I’m hardly being original in saying that the comments made to most items posted on the Internet represent something independent of what was originally posted. What I mean is, you shouldn’t take comments personally as a writer, as the substance of the comments often have nothing to do with what you’ve written.

I’m generally pretty successful in this regard, one of the ways in which being a self-involved egotist tends to work in my favor. I don’t get upset about negative comments, by and large. I love myself already–what do I need with anyone else’s love (in those few nice comments I get)?  And since I’m perfect, well, then the negative comments must be absurdly wrong, and why get agitated about that?

Healthy, right?

But I did find one theme of the comments regarding my latest post in the New York Times Opinionator blog rather difficult to ignore. The subject of the post was how Tomoko and I were going to be married soon, largely because I had lost my job and needed to get health insurance for me and the children.

A fair number of comments to the piece reacted to the fact that Tomoko and I had had Ellie while unmarried–“ever heard of contraception?” wrote one wit. Granted, the Times is a national publication, which means its commenters will reflect the opinions of a wider cross-section of American opinion than might be found among the brilliant, good-looking, and progressive readers of DadWagon. But that still didn’t really prepare me for reading people’s disapproval of the existence of my child.

I was writing about health insurance and marriage and joblessness. Nowhere, I think, did I indicate that my daughter was to be included among the roster of my problems. It’s an ugly thought, and an ugly sentiment, and one that was too easily and regularly included among the comments.

So, to be clear: Ellie was a planned child, one that both parents wanted greatly, and who came as no surprise. For those who find that unpalatable because we aren’t yet married, well, I suppose that’s what the Internet is for: intolerance, bad jokes, and naked pictures. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Once again I’m not home. This week I’ve left behind my wife, my deeply saddened daughter, and the ongoing renovation of our kitchen to eat my way through frosty Montreal—with my younger brother, Steve.

In the past couple of years, Steve and I have developed one ongoing, never-finished conversation: I try to convince him to have kids sooner, and he shrugs off said attempts. My argument is based, naturally, on my own experience. I’m now 36, with a 2-year-old kid. By the time she’s 16, I’ll be 50. And when she’s really getting going on her career (or maybe just halfway through grad school), I’ll be 60. By the time she’s having kids herself—if she follows my example—I’ll be dead. Or nearly so.

Of course, I can’t change the past, and I can’t predict the future. But on some level I regret not having had Sasha earlier, in large part because she’s just so much fun to be around. It’s a pointless regret. Even a couple of years earlier, I didn’t have the career or the housing or the common sense that have made raising Sasha so easy (relatively) and rewarding.

And I guess that’s where Steve (and his wife, Tara) are right now. Working hard, getting ahead, and enjoying being married and free of responsibility. That’s how it goes now, for more than just the Gross family. It takes longer to get established, and kids—well, that could fuck it all up. So you work and wait, and either you have a kid or two when you’re “older” or you don’t have one at all, and then, several hundred generations down the road, we get Idiocracy. Which really wasn’t all that good a movie, if we want to face facts.

So, Steve (and Tara), unless you want America to become a land of cretins ruled over by a professional wrestler, please hurry up and have a kid. Also, Sasha needs a playmate. The world is depending on you!

Had another chance to chat with DadWagon friends Dermot and Dave, who now officially have the #1 radio show in Ireland’s biggest city (no doubt DadWagon’s first interview helped push them past the competition). Anyhow, this one is about my recent cri du coeur in defense of letting babies watch Star Wars.

The interview starts at 15:30.