Perhaps I shouldn’t allow myself to descend into print world geekery (no, I should be worried about diapers, swine flu, the demise of the middle class education, pre-teen sex, kidnapping, and all the other joys of parenting–who has time to read?), but I just thought a little attention should be paid to the passing of Gourmet. Bon Appétit, which survived the Conde Nast bloodbath, simply is no substitute for serious writers looking to slum on the man’s dime.
Case in point: “5 Tips for Dining Out with Kids”:
1.New parents, listen up: When your baby can’t talk or walk, put him or her in a sling and get thee to a restaurant as often as you wish. People will ooh and aah at your bravery–as well as at the baby.
2.Choose your restaurant wisely. Go on the early side and avoid weekends. Brunch was invented for families–alcohol for mom and dad, and pancakes with smiley faces for kids. Many top-notch places now have kids’ menus that go beyond the nugget, grilled cheese, and buttered-pasta triple threat.
3.Introduce your kids to new flavors. Asian restaurants, especially Vietnamese, Chinese, and Thai ones, are often casual, full of big tables of families, and loud. Small-plate restaurants, like Spanish tapas places, allow easy sharing (and if things go south quickly, you can make an exit without having to cancel your entrée order).
4.Adults get toys (cell phones, PDAs) to play with at the table, so kids should, too–but keep handheld video games on mute.
5.Bring a small snack to tide your little one over immediately after you sit down. But if said snack ends up all over the floor, it’s your responsibility to clean it up–not the waitstaff’s.
Granted, like all cheesy national magazines tied to fading ad revenue, Bon Appétit has to pander to the lowest common demoninator. But could whoever wrote this little tidbit perhaps have spent, I don’t know, two minutes thinking up something interesting to say? “New flavors?” New flavors! What good are new flavors when Lil’ Johnny smacks the waitress upside the head with a bottle of Grey Poupon?
Wait. I think that was me.