From the My Life Is Pathetic Files: Grease Monkey

Never let it be said that I lead a gratifying and rewarding life, and never let it be said I’ve tried to hide it. To wit: the highlight of my day yesterday came in the morning. Tomoko and I were driving to Ellie’s four-month pediatrician’s visit when we realized the heater in our 4000-year-old BMW wasn’t working.

I did what I normally do in these circumstances–I called my stepfather, who is a mechanic. He offered a very high-tech solution. He thought perhaps the heat sensor was going bad on the car and that a valve inside of it, I think, was stuck. So, per his instructions, I took a wrench from the tool kit in the trunk, located the heat sensor (with my stepfather directing me from the phone) and banged the hell out of the heat sensor.

The heat started working again. I got grease on my pants. Nothing got better the rest of the day.

Published by Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

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1 Comment

  1. Congrats on the success. I poured many a Saturday afternoon trying to fix up an old Jeep Cherokee that I thought that I could fix up. I need to stick to what I’m good at, whatever that is.

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