It’s hard to know how closely the people who read this blog pay attention to what we’re up to. It’s easy to imagine extremes: either everyone notices everything (as we do) or no one notices anything (I haven’t read any of Matt’s posts in six months). I know it’s likely more toward the latter, but hey, we can always hope.

Either way, we figured now was a good time to point out a few changes that we’ve implemented here at DadWagon. First, as Matt mentioned earlier, the relocation of our corporate headquarters to China has come off without a hitch. As soon as Nathan gets out of detention for economic crimes we’ll be firing on all cylinders.

Next, and perhaps most important, we’ve allowed the pace of things here to slow just a bit. Instead of offering about fifteen posts per week, we’ve cut down to five or six. Did you notice? Do you care? Want more, less, or exactly the same? We’d like to know.

The theory here was, first and foremost, we’re lazy and we’d like to do less. But beyond that, we thought perhaps concentrating on publishing less and publishing better might be a good idea. Don’t know if we achieved that this week, but it was the goal. In that light, then, please consider the skill, effort, and sheer talent and will that went into this items:

Matt tried to sniff his own lunch but wasn’t sure if it was his. Art!

Nathan interviewed a punk rocker, a war photographer, revealed himself to be a coward, and then made public his opinions on mass transit. Genius!

Last but not least, I announced that I would be wedding my son this weekend. Creepy!

That’s it, folks. Short, sweet, and we think, absolutely perfect. What about you? Feedback is appreciated here, even if we totally ignore it or merely make fun of it. Let us know what you think.

And while you’re at it, why not follow us on Twitter (@dadwagon) or Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/DadWagon). We obsessively count the numbers as a way to judge our merit as human beings. Help us out.

This week, we didn’t just play to type. Each of us actually spent most of the week writing mostly about the exact same shit we’ve written about before.

Theodore couldn’t dismount from his ongoing obsession with what racist people call “rice fever” and what Theodore calls “dating.” Did you know that Asian Jews are the happiest people on earth? Did you care? Do you care about the difference between poor people and broke people with iPads (the post where Theodore describes iPad2 as “same-same but white”)? Do you give a fuck about hamsters? Did you know, as one commenter helpfully insinuated, that Jews do not suffer from Awesome White Guy Penis Syndrome? Maybe not, but Tay Sachs is even funner!

Speaking of fun, Nathan was no fun at all this week (once again). He had his one shot at levity when he posted a video (laziness and levity being somewhat overlapping in the world of blogging), but that turned out to be video of a terrifyingly stonefaced young brute making another 8-year-old cry for mercy. Nathan’s roid rage included chewing out a baby chewtoy and howling at parents who actually pay for kid haircuts. His longest contribution of the week was even more screedy: a reiteration of the obvious point that Gifted and Talented is hella racist.

Matt, meanwhile, stayed in his usual bubble, untrammeled by self-awareness of any order. We know he’s a hipster because he reads Reddit and blogs about it. And because the F Train is the battlefield upon which he repeatedly fights—and is defeated by—the will of his spawn. But when (older) kids of hipster-parents (or, to be fair, overindulgent hip-suburban-parents) appear in an obnoxious Toyota Highlander ad, Matt is the first to wish the boy a horrible, horrible death.

But we have to admit: we were impressed with his evisceration of abando-mom Rahna Reiko Rizzuto. We keep him around for moments of insight like that. Someday we may actually pay him for them.

Anyhow, have a good weekend. We’ll try to bring the new shit next week.

It does a blog good

I don’t want to imply that there was a lack of new and interesting material intended to delight and enrapture DadWagon readers this week: there was. We’re that good.

But, from our perspective, the highlight of the week was not the new stuff but Nathan’s genius ability to continue to derive readership from that old DadWagon chestnut: baby yoga. Holy cow people like that stuff! As one reader, the terrifyingly named John Cave Osborne, put it: “This thing has more legs than a spider on acid.” Which it does! Because I’ve done acid and the spiders, in my mind at least, had lots of legs. Like Nathan’s blog post. I think.

Either way, my fellow DadWagoneers would all like to offer a personal thank you to a loyal employee at our corporate subsidiary, Gawker: Maureen O’Connor, keep up the good work. We can’t give you a raise, but gee whiz, you have our heartfelt appreciation.

I think we can find a few other instances of milking it on the DadWagon this week. First, one of mine, in which I wrote about the current political attacks on teachers. Do I care about teachers? Not really. What about politics? Only when it’s someone else’s. But I know a good trend story when I see one. Meme, anyone?

And Matt, well, sweet, misguided, giving-beer-to his daughter Matt. He’s decided to throw in his lot, pathetic as it might be, with me. Yes, it’s true, I’ve referenced him in not one but two NY Times articles in the past month (my editor removed his name in both cases, but I’m sure you can figure it out), but still—are you so creatively bankrupt that you need me for inspiration for posts?

That’s almost as bad as if I asked you to come up with an ending for my first travel piece, and you did, and I used it, and didn’t give you credit, anywhere, ever, and I even denied that you’d done it. That would be terrible, wouldn’t it? Totally hypothetical situation, of course, but still.

Have a fun weekend, folks.

Matt, "on assignment" in Montreal

I don’t mean to question the work habits of DadWagon co-founder and super-huge-bigshot-famous-journalist Matt, and I am impressed that he’s been able to post this week while out of the country (check out his true feelings about Nathan, procreation, and the sound of his voice), but still we always worry when he’s away.

It’s good to keep track of all the DadWagoneers as they progress through a week. Nathan, while in the city, I believe, hasn’t been his typical productive, sarcastic, brilliant self. True, he doesn’t much like Matt, and yes, he’s continued to pimp this whole Russian thing, and admittedly he’s exposed himself as both anti-arab and anti-immigrant, but where’s the verve? Where’s the elan? We’ve come to expect more here at DadWagon, Nathan, that’s all.

And me? Well, as the least accomplished and best-looking member of DadWagon, I’ve basically just continued treading water: ridiculing both Matt and Nathan (please see: “Matt and Nathan are disgusting, perverted donkeys”), poking fun at the PR industry, and defending my right to sexual profligacy. Ho hum.

Thus, on behalf of the entire DadWagon team, including staff, interns, press reps, sales staff, office monkeys, pets, children, and spouses, I apologize. Next week Matt will be funnier.