The Tantrum: Is Yelling in Front of the Kids Okay?

fighting

I came across a poll in Parenting magazine the other day, which asked the question: Is it okay for couples to fight in front of their kids?

Not surprisingly, 82 percent of the liars parents thought it wasn’t.

And it probably isn’t. But does that mean it isn’t going to happen? Likely not. Granted, while I was married to JP’s mother, fighting was part of our daily routine, as ingrained into our daily life as coffee with breakfast and armed robbery. Not saying that’s good, but it was. In fact, in our case, it was bad, done freely in front of JP, and eventually, led to our divorce.

But that doesn’t mean that my girlfriend and I have never disagreed (although our first argument came eight months or so into our relationship, which I thought was a miracle). We’ve even disagreed in front of JP. Nothing like what went on when I was married, and the fact that I can communicate well enough with my girlfriend to avoid most arguments and shorten those that can’t be avoided likely means we’re a good match.

The real question, though, is whether or not it’s bad to fight in front of the kids. My answer is: not really. First of all, what’s the point of calling something that’s definitely going to happen a bad thing? It just sets up an expectation that can’t be met. Second, successful conflict resolution is a good thing for a child to see (and yes, what constitutes successful is a matter of debate).

Anyway, surveys like the one on Parenting seem to me yet another example of the ways in which those of who are perhaps less than perfect role models for our children–but still good role models–are failing compared to some absurd ideal. It’s like anorexic models and teen girls (only not).

A Week on the Wagon: Cause-and-Effect Edition

It was a week of action and reaction aboard the Dadwagon. Consider:

Theodore can’t keep up with the housework, and can’t put his crib together, and misses the days when kids could play in the street. So he decided to watch some stoner TV, and retreat to the unexamined life.

Matt came back from god-knows-where to a kid he barely recognizes. So he offered us jokes about vomit.

Nathan realized that his daughter is trying to psych out his son. So he informed her about the existential nature of death.

And Christopher retreated into dreamy nostalgia for the glory days of the space program, and for newspaper columnists who made sense. So he bounced back into the modern world with praise for the wonders of modern dentistry.

Back next week, when the meds to treat this bipolar disorder finally kick in.

The New Etiquette: Anti-Etiquette?

Via DadWagon sibling Paul comes the following charmer from the Bay Area’s SF Appeal online newspaper. A relatively reasonable etiquette question–how do I politely ask my pal to stop tagging my toddler’s pictures on Facebook?–becomes the occasion for a marginally coherent, ostensibly humorous anti-Facebook (and faintly anti-child) rant. A sample: “Unless your child has a harelip or is actually a shaved Shitz Tzu wrapped in swaddling that you’re delusionally pretending is your human offspring, you have absolutely no reason to obsessively keep her pictures off Facebook.”

I’ll admit that the writer’s solution to this dilemma is inventive: a way to be so obnoxious to your friends that the photos are taken down in short order. Nice to see that the next generation of etiquette columnists seems to believe that being a troll is now just bein’ neighborly.

(Real answers to that question here, by the way.)