DADWAGON

Ok, so this isn’t really an answer to Matt’s questions about Russian kidlit in his excellent Raskolnikov for Lil’ Rascals link. But I am here in Moscow, and other than actually missing my kids quite a bit (they’ve been extra cute as of late, which makes a two-week trip like this just a bit harder than usual), I’ve been keeping an eye out for DadWagonish news.

Well, the news is the same here as it is Germany or in Canada, or wherever PhD in Parenting is still fighting the good fight: Nestle sucks.

Actually, Nestle may or may not suck in this instance. It’s hard to tell these things in Russia. But basically, the government has banned Nestle’s Gerber baby foods made in the U.S. from Russian shelves. If you can stomach the stench of broken English in this news report, the upshot seems to be that a food inspector smelled too much chlorine in the chicken baby food. According to the Russkies:

the use of chlorine in the water for cooling poultry leads to the accumulation on the surface and inside of poultry meat by-products of oxidative activity of free chlorine, particularly organochlorine compounds (chlorophenols, chloramines, trihalomethanes and other) hazardous to human health.

This also led to the revelation (to me, anyhow) that there is apparently an accepted baseline for chlorine in baby food. In Russia, it should only be 0.3-0.5 milligrams per liter.

Maybe that’s not a lot, but still. It just reminds me that there is a real difference between feeding baby fresh food and the canned/jarred/packaged alternatives. Convenience has a price.

The chlorine restrictions, by the way, have affected all American poultry imports to Russia.

In Russia, though, the truth is not always what it seems, so it’s worth pointing out that there’s a chance that this is just some veiled protectionism, banning U.S. chicken to give the anemic Russian agricultural sector a leg up. But even so, you might want to think twice before serving baby that cute little jar of Clorox Chicken.

Suddenly, our child eats nearly anything, and more of it than I would have thought possible. I don’t understand what changed, just about two weeks ago–growth spurt? tapeworm?–but we have actually had to alter our shopping habits to keep more food in the house, and very little of that is what you might think of as baby food. He consumes everything, as long as it’s cut up smallish. Sharp cheeses. Strongly flavored sauces. Vegetables even his parents don’t enjoy very much. Olives. (Who ever heard of a baby who likes olives? Okay, my side is entirely Greek, and his mother’s half Italian, but still. He doesn’t know that.) All topped off with so much fruit that he’s the only one in our household conforming to those servings-per-day guidelines the FDA puts out.

What’s peculiar is that any given one of those foods is fine most of the time. And then, periodically, one of them suddenly just … isn’t. He will react with revulsion, spit it out, ptooey, and paw at his tongue as if we’ve given him something no human should eat. The next day, it’s perfectly fine again.

Anyone else had this weird experience? Would love to hear about it in the comments.

What would I do without the Internet? I can’t think of anything* that gives me more joy on a daily—nay, hourly—basis than the series of tubes that brought me face to face with “Shit My Kids Ruined,” a Tumblr blog that presents photos of broken shit along with pithy, funny, instantly recognizable lines about how it got wrecked.

This would be my son and his giant stuffed banana.  he felt the need to rip it open then drive big bulldozers thru the stuffing.  try cleaning that up!

New tub of Desitin + new tub of Vaseline + new container of powder+ extra long “nap”= reminder to get a tubal ligation

This is a hole in my ceiling that my 3 year-old made by turning the upstairs bathroom in to a swimming pool.

Anyway, enjoy. I know I did.

[*”Anything” does not, of course, include my wife and child, who bring me much joy and would kill me if I did not mention that fact.]

From my friend Summer (via McSweeney‘s) comes a round-up of Russian literary classics redone for small children:

Crime and Punishment

Run your hand over Raskolnikov’s scratchy face. He is feverish and pale. Raskolnikov is a murderer. Can the ends ever justify the means?

Master and Margarita

Pet Behemoth’s soft black fur. Behemoth is a giant cat who walks, talks, and discharges firearms. His owner is Satan.

If these books existed, I would definitely get them for Sasha. They just better have good illustrations! Hey, Nathan, while you’re in Moscow, can you check around for what Russian kidlit is really like?