Interested in drilling your child in the finer points of false altruism? Thanks to Ritz-Carlton and its “Give Back Getaways,” you can do just that. The Getaways are the luxury hotel chain’s ridiculous effort at voluntourism, or a vacation that allows you to achieve self-congratulatory happiness and a dark, rich tan all at the same time.

Here’s how it works: you and your child, while guests of the Ritz-Carlton have no shame. In that context you decide that there is nothing disgusting in a “vacation program offer[ing] … an exceptional opportunity to give back to the community in a way that is meaningful to them and to the lives of others,” all while enjoying high tea, turn-down service, and happy endings in the hotel’s spa.

My favorite is the “Giving Children Hope” package in Jamaica, where you can frolic with orphans on a “lush corner of the island,” planting coconut palms and marijuana native vegetables, all while making it back to the hotel in time for cocktails and the premature death of your child’s sense of morality.

Best of all, you get to pay for all this stuff, $75 per adult, $50 per child ++, not including room, board, hole in your soul, etc.