Babies! With Lasers! For Eyes!

When I was a little boy, I used to brag to my grandmother that I had bionic eyes—and could see her from my parents’ home the next state over. Back in the late 1970s and early ’80s, bionics were big and cool and hip, apparently because of some TV show (which I never saw but somehow filtered down through the culture).

Nowadays, bionics have gone the way of thick, luxuriant mustaches and… Oh, wait, those are retro-cool, as are actual bionics, especially if you’re a recent Purple Heart awardee. But anyway, there is something yet more modern, and you can find it at BabiesWithLaserEyes.com. It’s photos of babies! With lasers! For eyes!

Oh, to have had PhotoShop as a child! When we wanted to shoot laser beams from our eyes, we had to use our imagination and make little pyew! pyew! sounds with our mouths. Now that was playtime!

But honestly, lasers for eyes? It feels, I don’t know, very ID4, very Seinfeld—very dated. (Though they’ve probably got a book deal already, bastards.) So I spent a whole lot of time thinking up a few Websites that jibe a bit better with our contemporary technophilia: