Where Everyone Is Above Average

Genius

JP’s mother and I just signed him up to be tested for the city’s Gifted and Talent program. Next month, on a Sunday, we’ll take him to the public school around the corner (the one he wasn’t able to get into for Pre-K), where world famous educators will spend a couple of hours prodding him wires, asking trick questions in pig Latin, and making him do jumping jacks.

Do I think JP is gifted, and/or talented? Of course I do! I guess. I mean, as far as I know–he’s never levitated a car, or calculated Pi to 4500 numbers. He’s never even read my mind.

He is, however, an exceedingly sweet boy, who appears to have a facility with numbers, a good memory, likes to sing, wants to read (that hasn’t happened yet), enjoys drawing, pulling the dog’s tail, and soccer. Who knows what his abilities really are? I think he can do just about anything he likes, but obviously I’m biased; but if he can, he should at the very least start making his bed and cooking a proper omelet (I like mine with mushrooms, please).

I find the notion of the testing a stress, really. Does he need to be judged and evaluated at age four? Shouldn’t he learn how to wipe his own butt before we predict his academic level?

I know, I know, testing isn’t destiny, and getting into the G&T program gives him access to the best free schools in the city. It just brings out the protect instinct in me.

Maybe I can help him cheat on the test. That oughta help.

Assuming I can pass.

Published by Theodore

Theodore Ross is an editor of Harper’s Magazine. His writing has appeared in Harper’s, Saveur, Tin House, the Mississippi Review, and (of course), the Vietnam News. He grew up in New York City by way of Gulfport, MS, and as a teen played the evil Nazi, Toht, in Raiders of the Lost Ark: The Adaptation. He lives with his son, J.P. in Brooklyn, and is currently working on a book about Crypto-Jews.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *