As long as we’re all piling on Matt for his extremely casual attitude about temporary childcare, I will (as usual) reveal that I’m the tightass in this debate. Not only have we never left our kid with some random potentially insane/inebriated/berserk stranger; we have never hired a baby-sitter at all. (Unless you count our daily day care, which is hardly the same thing. It’s operated by the same caregivers every day, people we came to like very quickly, who are further watched by administrators whom we also like.) We are fortunate enough to have grandparents not too far away, all four of whom are healthy and enthusiastic about giving us a couple of hours’ relief now and then. But that’s it. We’ve never left him with a friend, a college-age neighbor, or a hired gun from a nanny service. My wife’s job is slightly more flexible than mine, so unfortunately she’s taken most of the days off when he’s sick, but we have been lucky there so far. In terms of evenings out… well, we’ve just stopped having those, pretty much.
I just can’t see calling in anyone else until he’s able to articulate what he needs, and real language is quite a few months away. Are we being merely careful, or overcareful? Eager to hear comments (and experiences) in the comments thread.
You will soon be the owner of a fully developed catastrophe. Unfortunately, ignoring nights out with your spouse will irrevocably alter your relationship. And you are not doing your child any favors by limiting exposure to others. Work on your support group (other, trusted parents) and have a date.
As the spouse in question, I’m pretty sure just having the baby at all irrevocably altered our relationship. In a good way, that is.
My guy and I have really enjoyed the time we’ve spent with each other, exhausted at the end of yet another day. We don’t get out all that much, we had a fantastic babysitter for short stints, a mature but playful 12 year old with parents a half block down, but alas, they’ve moved to a more picturesque locale.
I think these few years of babyhood/preschool are so fleeting, I can’t say I totally understand why one has such a great need to be away from it. Mostly, we (a) get the kid(s) to bed on time and (b) hang out together at home … I’m making kettle corn tonight, got the cocktails on the go, and the kids, 3 of them, at 8pm are out cold. Okay, my man is working late (apparently somebody has to) so it is, so far, cocktails and kettle corn for one.
I think couples have to know what is right for them, and their kids. What becomes a train wreck for one couple might be the glue that keeps another (homebody) duo together.
Well said, Karen! My husband and I couldn’t agree more. The kids won’t want anything to do with us before long…so we’re going to suck it up while we can.
We are fortunate enough to be part of a babysitting coop, where friends share babysitting time using a closed economic system, or literal popsicle sticks to use and earn time. The benefit is that since we’re friends, the children know the adults and many of the babysitting adventures are play dates. It also works well to schedule dates after kids go to bed; we are usually able to go out at least once a month by arranging for someone from the coop to come over at 8 p.m.
I agree that you need to get kids used to it early. It stinks to hear that they screamed for an hour at a friends’ house, but if they’re parents like you, they understand. It is shocking to think, though, that at 12 I was watching children unrelated to me. Oh, well. Everyone knows what’s right for their family.
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